Hello! Is nice! Is nice for you watching my movie, Morat: Cultural Learnings of Telluride for Make Benefit Glorious Village of Montrose.
Yes. Here in Telluride, I must ask you: Are you communists? Because you are voting in recent elections for all left-handed people. Not like my village where machines for vote confuses everyone. Then our voting is not count. Is OK. We are not for big changing. We are good, traditional, non-Gypsy, right-handed peoples. Is nice.
I am constantly confusing about your vote. What is Save the Valley Floor Wishing Well? Is not even well. Is perhaps filled with only visual monies for inspire good American peoples to acquire? Like the carrot and the ass? I ask woman on street and she tells me for make buying the valley floor. For saving valley floor. Not change. Leaving forever for stinking cows who don't give milk. Not even for hunting zoo. I am confusing about change and not change.
In my village we cut down as many trees as possible, for make benefit glorious shopping centers. Is nice! No more stinking cows. Is cleanest progress. Oh, look. Here is my sister, Natasha. She is number four prostitute in all of Montrose. Say hello, Natasha. Maybe she gets commercial space in River Landing. Is nice.
Again, I am not understanding in Telluride. I meet nice woman in Steaming Bean for maybe make dating. I say her does she wants to have sex with me? And she pours coffee in regions of my manliness. Ooooh, perhaps I am scarred for life. In my village, I would crush her.
Other times I'm see girl on street with very nice physique. I wish to compliment her shape, and also feeling the shininess of this pants she is wearing. Big mistake! She is turning on me with big sticks she carries on her shoulder. Never do I see such fierce girls.
In village of Montrose we are not see girls walking the street with these big sticks. And boots! What are these boots I am asking. Is small Telluride child I am asking. Safer. Small child says, "Ski boots. For skiing." Skiing? Is mystery. But I am just humble Montrovian.
Small child is point to hill side where snow and peoples sliding down. I am worry for their physiques, but small child shrugs and walk away. This also we don't have. Small childs who whack strangers in shin with their sticks. In my village we have Rose Bowl. And every year big festival: The Running of the Democrat. Big fun time! Drink Bud. Is nice.
Is not possible for drink coffee out of pants, so I go in Baked In Telluride. And I'm seeing here for first time genuine chocolate-face peoples. "Hello," I say. "Are you slaves?" They not answer me. Maybe they don't speak English. Again I am confusing. Is Jewish place? Shelves have many Jew bread products. But also pizza. And Mexican foods I'm not familiar. In my village we have Taco Bell. But is good American right-hand food. I say to chocolate-face, "Coffee," and this she is understanding. So I can now continue my knowing trip of Telluride.
Here is nice Mountain Village house. (We speak later about gondola ride. Is best in U.S. and like climax of "Stairway to Heaven.") Now I show you outside from house. Is nice. We would be please have such nice house in my village. Oh, look. Man inside. Perhaps he will interview with us.
"Hello! I am Morat. Is nice house. You are rich Telluride man. You are working for rich Telluride man. Is possible for see inside your house? Is not your house. Is gate house. You are guard. From Montrose! Me too! I am study cultural learnings of Telluride. I like your clothings. Please can you tell me where we are catching bus to Montrose?"